Life Partner

Life Partner

Are you interested in a long term committed relationship with someone who is also interested in community life? Starting off with shared values is a lot better foundation than swiping right based on superficial characteristics. The members included here have indicated “life partner” as one of the community types they are interested in. While this page is more aimed at those seeking amorous pairing, if you are seeking a platonic life partner, intentional community is a great place to develop deep trust over time, and the page Trial Run: Join a Household might be an ideal place to start.

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Tips for community-minded people looking for a life partner

  • Primary relationships are fostered by community. Some relationship experts have noted that our modern culture has promoted unrealistic expectations of what a “significant other” or couple relationship should offer. It’s not hard to see marriages as doomed to failure if the expectation is that your one partner must be a hot lover, a best friend and confidante, a compassionate and available co-parent, a consistently competent wage earner, and a co-adventurer whenever we are ready for time off. It’s unrealistic to expect one relationship to meet all these needs, till death do you part. Few of us live in a traditional small town, tightly-knit church, or extended family network that used to be a buffer and supporter when marriage ties became strained. It may be time to revitalize extended networks that can support primary relationships, as well as fill the gap in social life when they are absent.
  • Find a community-minded partner. One study looking at the steady erosion of membership in voluntary associations such as civic clubs, neighborhoods, churches, and schools, suggested the decline has been widespread and consistent over time, and likely contributed to by many factors. The authors concluded that adults committed to the institution of marriage may also be more committed to these other types of “mediating institutions,” reflecting either a greater willingness or ability to make sacrifices for others and partner with others (Lee, 2020).
  • The current “dating” scene. Marriage and cohabitation have continued to decline (Pew Research Center, 2019). Marriage is a risk, both financially and emotionally. In addition, many young adults feel financially unprepared to support a family (Walsh, 2021). Meanwhile, the methods for finding a prospective partner for cohabitation have drastically changed. Dating apps discourage commitment because there always seems to be a potentially better option; having more choices often makes it harder to make a decision (Oakland Psychological, 2020). Because of these apps, prior ways of meeting up have become less and less common. For example, people no longer feel a need to risk talking to a stranger whose availability is unknown. ICmatch is the opposite of dating apps. Our focus is to get past the superficial. You get a detailed description first and you can ask for a photo later. Second, the focus is on the long term. Third, since the focus is on community, our experience is that you become friends first. If there is a spark in your friendship, you are more likely to find your relationship lasting, due to lifestyle compatibility.
  • Millennials and the “chosen family.” Fewer than 20% of American households reported following the traditional nuclear family structure, according to an analysis of 2020 Census Bureau data by the Center for American Progress, a research and policy institute (Smith, 2021). Younger generations are increasingly referring to a group of close-knit friends with lasting bonds as a “chosen family” (Smith, 2021). As millennials are in a time of life when lasting partnerships have traditionally been formed, their rejection of traditional pathways has been highlighted and studied, especially in the workplace where they prefer to work in teams, express a need for social interaction, and describe work life balance as of utmost importance to them (Gilbert, 2011). These three characteristics make them strong candidates for intentional community life, which for many hinges around the trade off of the convenience of completely private space for the lower cost of living that allows for more free time.
  • Better economic standing. Researchers have considered why there is a positive correlation between stable partnership and economic outcomes. Is it driven by the fact that those with higher levels of education and higher wages are more desirable potential spouses? Or is there something about marriage or partnership that gives a boost to a partner’s economic outcomes? The research suggests that both factors are at play (Pew Research Center, 2019).

Consultants

We’re all part of reinventing the social structure now. Give it your best shot by learning from relationship therapists as preventative help on a regular basis, rather than seeking help only after a crisis develops.

Members

Posting your profile on this life partner page thru a $3 per month paid subscription can help you find others looking for a couple relationship. With a free membership, you can still search for others in your area by using the search function at the Members tab. Look for the “Community Type” category and the “Group Types” question to see who indicated an interest in finding a life partner.

Resources

A low-cost accurate personality assessment, with a service of comparing couples to describe the challenges and benefits that their relationship would bring.

Millenials and Gen Z weigh in about love and marriage, plus ambitions and children.

Relationship books widely recommendations by couples therapists:

  • The Relationship Cure or Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman and Joan DeClaire
  • How Can I Get Through to You?  or The New Rules of Marriage by Terrence Real
  • Making Marriage Simple by Harville Hendricks and Helen L. Hunt

Here is a matching game one intentional community developed. It matches only members who noted the same request of the other person, such as for casual talk date or a romantic interlude. This allows people to find out if there is mutual interest without facing rejection.